I have learnt that when we need someone
in order to exist and our body aches when that person is not around, it is not
love, it is obsession. It is about us thinking a particular person has the
power to rescue us. And we want to be rescued because we don’t trust our own
ability to take care of and provide ourselves with a rich life.
Loving someone means we don’t need them
but instead we want to share our lives with them, and most importantly we want
to support them on their life’ journey. That means giving them the foundation
to let them go and be whatever is going to allow them to grow as people and to
fully experience life. There is a huge difference from “you have to stay with
me no matter what” or “you can’t do this to me” to “I’m here loving you; go try
out life”.
In obsessive relationships it is all about us not
the other person. And in a strange way, even though these relationships are all
about us, we have no power. By needing someone we give our power away and
sometimes the recipients can be quite cruel; a game that gets set up: I give
you my life and you can abuse it because the truth is I’m needy and you resent
me for that.
Love happens easily and naturally. No games. Two
people meet and they are ready to journey together. No imprisonments or
psychologically empty deals. It is simply: I love you and I want the best for
you. You love me and you want the best for me. That’s real love.
So I believe if we truly want to experience a deep
and loving relationship we need to start by loving ourselves. That is the only
way we’ll be able to meet someone and share love and life without being needy
or always being scared if the other person leaves our world will crumble.
Because that is not love; that is obsession.
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