Many people believe that long distance relationships
are never going to work out. Your family may discourage it, and some of your
best friends may advise you not to take it too seriously, in case you get your
heart broken.
Nobody says it is going to be easy — the extra
distance makes many things unachievable. Things could get complicated, and you
could get sad and lonely at times. However, the extra distance also makes the
simplest things the sweetest, being able to hold the other person’s hand,
eating together at the same table, feeling each other’s touch, taking a walk
together, smelling each other’s hair… these small wishes could suddenly mean so
much more in a long distance relationship.
Long distance relationship may be tough but it has
its own surprises too. To keep your love alive and strong, here are the few tips
to make your long distance relationship work:
1. Avoid excessive communication.
It is unwise to be overly “sticky” and possessive.
You two don’t really have to communicate 12 hours a day to keep the
relationship going. Many couples thought that they need to compensate for the
distance by doing more. This is not true. And it might only make things worse.
Soon you would get tired of “loving.” Remember: Less is more. It is not about
spamming — you are only going to exhaust yourselves. It’s really about teasing
at the right moments and tugging at the right spots.
2. See it as a opportunity.
“If you want to live together, you first need to
learn how to live apart.” – Anonymous
View it as a learning journey for the both of you.
See it as a test of your love for each other. As the Chinese saying goes, “Real
gold is not afraid of the test of fire.” Instead of thinking that this long
distance relationship is pulling you two apart, you should believe that through
this experience, the both of you will be bound together even stronger.
3. Set some ground rules to manage your
expectations.
Both of you need to be clear with what you expect of
with each other during this long distance relationship. Set some ground rules
so that none of you will do things that will take the other party by surprise.
For instance, are you two exclusive? Is it alright for the other person to go
on dates? What is your commitment level? It’s better to be open with each other
about all these things.
4. Try to communicate regularly, and creatively.
Greet each other “good morning” and “good night”
every day — this is a must. On top of that, try to update your partner on your
life and its happening, however mundane some of the things may seem. To up the
game, send each other pictures, audio clips and short videos from time to time.
By putting in this kind of effort, you make the other person feel loved and
attended to.
5. Avoid “dangerous” situations.
If you already know that going to the club or going
drinking with your group of friends late at night will displease your partner,
then you should either 1. Not do it or 2. Tell your partner beforehand so as to
reassure him/her. Don’t be careless about this sort of matter because your
partner is only going to be extra worried or extra suspicious, and of course,
very upset, because you are putting him/her in a position where he/she feels
extra powerless/lacking in control.
Also, It could be easy for you to fall into the trap
which you, unconsciously or not, set up for yourself by “hanging out” with your
office eye-candy after work, or going out with a girl or guy from your past who
has been flirting with you. You need to recognize the dangers before entering
into the situation. Don’t just listen to your heart. Listen to your mind too.
6. Do things together.
Play an online game together. Watch a documentary on
YouTube or Vimeo at the same time. Sing to each other on Skype while one of you
plays the guitar. “Take a walk together” outside while video-calling each
other. Go online-shopping together — and buy each other gifts (See #13). You
really have to be creative and spontaneous about it.
7. Do similar things.
Recommend books, TV shows, movies, music, news and
etc. to each other. When you read, watch and listen to the same things, you get
to have more topics in common to talk about. This is a good to create some
shared experiences even though you are living apart.
8. Make visits to each other.
Visits are the highlight of every long distance
relationship. After all the waiting and yearning and abstinence, you finally
get to meet each other to fulfill all the little things like kissing, holding
hands, etc. which are all common to other couples but so very special and extra
intimate for people in long distance relationships. It will be like fireworks,
glitter bombs, confetti, rainbows and butterflies everywhere.
9. Have a goal in mind.
“What do we want to achieve at the end of the day?”
“How long are we going to be apart?” “What about the future?” These are the
questions you two need to ask yourselves. The truth is, no couple can be in a
long distance relationship for forever. Eventually we all need to settle down.
So make a plan with each other. Do up a timeline,
marking down the estimated times apart and times together, and draw an end
goal. It is important that you two are on the same page and have the same
goals. So that even if you are not living in the same space and the same
timezone, both of you are still working together in the same direction towards
a future that includes one another.
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