THE DILEMA OF THE FIRST BORN. part 2

The Responsibility

As FIBI, you are expected to be the next authority figure in the house. When the parents leave, you are expected to be the ‘man of the house’ or ‘woman of the house’.You are expected to be in check of your siblings at all times. And if they do not behave, you are the one to take the blame. All this on your small head. As FIBI, when you get a junior brother or sister you are expected to nurture them as well. You are supposed to be the ‘third parent’ of the kids. Their second daddy, Their second mummy. You see, as a child, you are naturally programmed to see your siblings as competition. You’re thinking “Who is this other baby? And why is Mommy showing them more attention than me?” But you need to fight your programming, and protect them.

“Why wont you share? Don’t you know she’s your baby sister?

Sometimes, Favouritism comes into play, and FIBI will feel isolated in their own home

don't forget, FIBI is supposed to get married before their junior ones as FIBI, you need to marry quickly in order to give your brothers and sisters a chance. Why? Because you are FIBI of course, and this is Africa.

This is what I like to call, the FIBI Time Limit

5. The Only Child -The only child is the double wahala of this discussion, because not only are you a first child, you are the center of attention. You are a product of anxiety that carries your entire life. Not only are you privy to all the conditions mentioned above, but now, you are the ‘only hope’ of the family. Only’ daughters will rarely ever have suitors that please their parents, because it’s not about the suitor, it’s the harsh reality of seeing their only daughter go. And yet, ‘only’ children are primed from childhood to breed and breed quickly and vastly. As an only child you are prone to more and more acts of rebellion to escape your confines. Because you’re in a situation where you always feel judged, you may lash out in different ways, especially in teenage years.

Sometimes you know that your actions will be without much consequence, “What can daddy do to me sef, am I not the only child?” As the only child you are the most likely to explore the unknown.

Final Words- Look, there is no solution to being a firstborn, as it is not a problem. It is a God given position, so you have to act accordingly. Make that position your own. There are studies that say FIBI are the most intelligent children. So there’s that. But remember this intelligence only comes from being able to teach your younger ones. If you’re a parent that treats your first child in the ways I’ve mentioned, it doesn’t make you a bad parent. This life thing can be confusing at times, but hopefully a little understanding can make a difference