Overcome Low Self-Esteem (part 1)

“Everything that happens to you is a reflection of what you believe about yourself. We cannot outperform our level of self-esteem. We cannot draw to ourselves more than we think we are worth.” 

You’re smart, funny, and genuinely good at heart.

You have ideas that could solve many of the problems you see around you. You could regale people with interesting stories that crack them up. You could be the perfect partner, parent, or friend.

But you don’t always live up to that potential.

Something holds you back.

Something tells you that your ideas are not worth announcing in public. Something keeps you from sharing your interesting stories. Something stops you from giving all you’ve got and taking all you need from your closest relationships.

Even though you know that you can be so much more, deep down you have a nagging feeling that you are not worthy of greatness, accolade, pure joy, and happiness.

Low self-esteem is keeping you from living your life to the fullest.

Who Suffers More from Low Self Esteem—a Shy Person or a Gregarious One?

I’ve always been gregarious, outspoken, and very extroverted. My husband, on the other hand, is very quiet and introverted.

When I met him, I used to think he was shy and maybe lacked the confidence to speak up, like I did. Fifteen years of being together has shown me how very wrong I was.

While I have always bounced back and forth between lack of confidence and overconfidence, my husband has been very even keeled, almost unnaturally so. He doesn’t get fazed by what people say. His decisions are not dependent on what others think. He has such a deep-seated sense of self-worth that nothing seems to affect him.

Slowly, I’ve come to realize that self-esteem has nothing to do with being gregarious/extroverted or shy/introverted. It comes from a place much deeper, from within yourself.

As a consequence, there are no quick fix solutions or magic pills that can improve self-esteem overnight.

On the other hand, if you consciously commit to conduct yourself right, no matter what the situation is, you can permanently increase your sense of self-worth.

I’ve been putting this theory to test over the past couple of years and have started noticing a much more deep-seated sense of calm within, from which a strong sense of self-worth has emerged.

Here is a list of six simple commitments that have made the biggest difference to me:

1. Stop pretending in an attempt to please other people.

Have you heard the quote “You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all of the time”? Knowing that someday you will be “found out” is what kills the self-esteem.

Hard as it is and vulnerable as you will feel, let go of your pretenses. Just be your authentic self. At first, the fear is crippling, but if you manage to get past the initial fear and take the plunge, it’s so liberating. And that freedom to be who you are, without excuses or pretenses, paves the way for a much healthier self-esteem.