Forgive and Forget, How Possible?

Yes and no.  You can definitely forgive others of even the most horrific wrongs (though it's more often the things that injure our pride that are the most difficult to let go of).  But you can't demand forgiveness from someone --

forgiveness is something internal and personal, and no one can compel it in another.  However, you can forgive someone for holding a grudge against you, if that makes sense.  Not that you should ignore responsibility for a wrong you've done, but if you've done all you can to make it right and they don't forgive you, it's now their problem -- and there's no good at all in not forgiving them for their grudge and moving on.

As for forgetting, it's an essential part of forgiving.  Not forgetting the person or events, but leaving behind the emotional weight of what they did; no longer letting it drive your thoughts, views or behavior.  This is easier said than done of course, but it can be done.  And without that -- if you still keep a small burning nugget of hurt or pain or anger -- then you haven't really forgiven them.

By forgiving someone you remember the events, the person, their motivations, etc.  And you may (wisely) not put yourself or them in a position to be hurt that way again.  But you can do this without any animosity toward them, and without harboring a secret grudge against them.  What you'll find then is that while you remember the events that were formerly so important, they quickly fade.  Not the lesson behind them, but the events cease to haunt you, and become like just another thing that happened in your life some time ago.

It takes inner peace to forgive. But we humans don't forget...do we ?. Let's see what the bible says;

”Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13

When we forgive as God forgives, we recognize that the person is not perfect and will fail us. And we are promising we will not treat the offender in the way that we have a human right to, considering their offense. When the hurt from the offense washes over us and the memory of the hurt fills us with a sense of betrayal and rage, our natural instinct is to get back at the offender. If we have forgiven, we must at that point say, "Yes, this happened and I was devastated by it. But I have chosen to forgive. Therefore, I CHOOSE to respond in a way that does not hurt the other person - that does not treat them in a way he or she deserves."

This kind of forgiveness is not a one time act that magically transforms a shattered heart. When the hurt is deep and life shattering, it takes a lifetime of godly choices to learn how to interact with the forgiven offender.

With a lot of practice in this kind of "forgetting", in time, the hurt diminishes. This is not easy in the short term but the alternative is to become a bitter, old man in the long term. Obedience is tough in the short term but bears great fruit in the long term. Someone has called this kind of living “a long obedience in the same direction.

Watch Out For More..... By Valerie