The seven-letter-words was almost unheard of among couples some 50 to 40 years back in most parts of Africa , especially in Nigeria . In the 50s, 60s and the 70s, the sanctity of the institution of marriage had not been corrupted; it was still very much intact and respected as a sacred institution. If a couple got married then, it was for better, for worse, till death did them part. Marriage was a worthwhile venture then, especially in Africa.
However, with the advent of the Western culture, the marital institution began to suffer setbacks. Pressures of life and the western way of life, made divorce a hitherto foreign word in the lexicon of couples. Such word was a taboo in some communities in Nigeria.
Divorce or the dissolution of marriage, according to the Wikipedia , the on-line dictionary, is the final termination of a marital union, cancelling the legal duties and responsibilities of marriage and dissolving the bonds of matrimony between the parties involved. The One Legacy has taken the pain to know some of the prevalent reasons that is gradually turning up marriages in Nigeria into fun fare shows.
High Expectations
Men and women both make a lot of assumptions when it comes to marriage and what to expect from a marriage. These assumptions are based on many variables and problems arise when the outcome (marriage) doesn’t meet the assumptions or expectations.
If you expect perfection from other people, your whole life will be a series of disappointments, grumbling and complaints. If, on the contrary, you pitch your expectations low, taking folks as the inefficient creatures which they are, you are frequently surprised by having them perform better than you had hoped.
In relationships, many people have high expectations of their partners, and become disappointed when their loved ones do not live up to their expectations. Is common for a lady to fall in love with man because of his car and his nice mansion, the axiom is simple because she feels that man will take good care of her financially without excogitating the other recipes that makes a very good relationship. If the man short fall of that expectations, that is when the situation will start to perforate the happiness bag of the relationship.
Lies
A lot of men win the hearts of their ladies through lies and deceit that makes them also to pitch high expectation and is common to see a man making unachievable promises to a lady in the quest of wanting to marry her.
A lady once told me her husband promised to take her to Dubai for shopping after their marriage and he will also set a very big retail shop for her with workers around her, so this lady will expect all these promises to be fulfilled right after the marriage and if it turns out to be a lie, you can imagine where that marriage will be heading to.
This is common of men, instead of being real and communicate our true feelings and intent to our partners, we turn to swagger with our proposal; there is nothing like swaggering in marital home, after all you have nothing to hide again when both of you share one roof. Is better to win the heart of a woman with your true nature than using cosmetic means. Fake things don’t last and therefore if you happen to be a bachelor or a spinster, you go clean and honest when you are about to choose a partner for marriage.
Extravagance
The issue of unnecessary spending during marriage ceremony is an invincible hand that has the greatest chance of creating flaming atmosphere in the marital homes. The idiom that says ‘cut your coat according to your size’ should be the first guiding principle when thinking of how to celebrate your marriage, most couple end up piling debt when they refuse to listen to their inner feelings and capabilities rather than succumbing to external pressures.
In this case, women are always falling victim; they always want that special day in their life to be spectacular and very indelible. In life, every action you take has its own price you pay.
If you want to please people, you have a price for that, and if you will also want to swim within the realms of your resources you also have a price to pay, the tormenting price is the price you pay for pleasing people. I have witnessed several wedding ceremonies where money were lavishly spent, later you see these couple hopping from area to area looking for accommodation.
This mistake that served as the preface of our wedding history can go a long way to create discomfort and hatred especially if one of the couples pushed for that stylish and talk of town ceremony, this will degenerate into hatred and loss of trust.
It will also afflict hardship at the initial stages of the marriage as the couples go through unbearable moment of settling the debt, if this conflict is not managed at the early stage.
It will put the marriage in a state of jeopardy. We should learn to finance our marriage ceremonies within our financial strength so we can happily enjoy the marriage without necessary thinking of how to settle huge debts especially, at very early stages of your honeymoon.
Communication
People in loving marriages keep the relationship exciting and new through open communication. It’s easy to get caught up in the stresses of day-to-day life and for two people to lose sight of what made them fall in love in the first place.
Maintaining a strong connection through open communication keeps the bond of love strong in a marriage. Lack of communication can cause two people to drift apart and to feel like they’re just going through the motions in a marriage.
Many relationships failed because of poor communication. Many couples find it hard to express how they feel for each other. They don’t know how to verbalize their needs and they don’t know how to listen carefully. If you are one of those people, then it might be time to read some tips for an effective communication.
Be tactful. Before you even say something, you have to think about it. Is it something that you really have to tell your husband or wife? Do you really mean what you are going to say?
Pay attention. When your spouse wants to say something to you, you’ve got to listen very carefully. Don’t just pretend that you are listening.
Wait for your turn to talk and have some patience. When your spouse is talking, you need to listen first before you talk. Don’t interrupt the person. It’s a way of showing respect your partner.
Be honest about your feelings and thoughts. Don’t fabricate things to cover up your true emotions.
Find time to talk. No matter how busy you are with your jobs and kids (if you have any) you need to find the best time to talk. You need to talk to understand each other.
Express your resentments in a nice way. Don’t just keep it inside. Let the person know how you really feel. Don’t use silence as a weapon because it is deadly.
Communication is one of the keys to a better marriage. It is very important to be a good listener by giving your spouse your full attention and also expressing yourself in a healthy, honest and loving manner.
Be a student of your spouse. Know their likes and dislikes, their strengths and weaknesses, and their fears. Then, pray that God will show you how to show love and respect to your spouse accordingly.
Communication has taken most of my words because it is the prevalent factor that has caused a lot of marriages in Nigeria. I am not saying this is the absolute reason of divorce rate in the country; there are other unique reasons that are not so prevalent. Lack of proper communication creates insecurity in marriages and I can say this with a fact that, Marriages that hit rocks always start from negligence of good communication and the consequence of this gives birth to other factors that slowly usher the marriage onto the path of divorce.
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