Anger and Mismanaged Anger

There is a difference between anger and mismanaged anger – and the key to reaping angers benefits lies in learning how to cope with it in a healthy way. Every person’s experience of anger is different, based on factors like age, gender and context (the anger a person feels towards a boss may be different than the feelings she or he directs at a significant other).

But the basic steps for coping apply across the board, whether at school, at the office or at home. One of the most popular anger management strategies goes by the acronym STAR – R short for: Stop, Think, Ask, Reduce and Reward. The steps are;

• Stop: pause. Count to 10 if you are having trouble being still and don’t forget to breath

• Think: picture the consequences if you lose control for both you and the person with whom you are angry.

• Ask: ask yourself what you are really angry about – what need do you have that isn’t being met?

• Reduce: ask yourself how you can cool off and then take the time to do it classic cool – down activities, including taking a walk, showering, listening to music… What is important is that you return to the situation with a level head and the ability to communicate your needs and negotiate conflicts in a calm manner.

• Reward: appreciate yourself for managing your anger, it is hard work and it is quite likely that you won’t get it right every time.

Written by: Valerie Nwoji