My parents separated when I was just 15 after a
turbulent marriage. To say divorce was the best thing for them is an
understatement. While my father flung himself head first into a rebound fling
that later resulted in another marriage, my mother took a higher approach, she
set off into the world and she found herself.
Maybe it was my young impressionable age or my
parents drastically different approaches to life and love that influenced me;
but as the older I’ve got, the more I’ve seemed to admire my mum’s non
tolerance to bullshit in relationships. To date, she taught me some of the most
valuable lessons I could have ever learnt when it comes to matters of the
heart. Here are 6 love lessons I learnt from my mother.
1. You
Deserve The Best
Like most mothers do, mine is constantly telling me
I deserve everything in the world, and this is extremely important to remember
in love. She worked hard to teach me and my brothers that we deserve nothing
but the best, from education, to what to expect in a partner. If someone
isn’t realizing your true value and honoring it, then kindly show them the
door. Once you realize your own self worth and how important you really
are, you will attract someone who also shares this value.
2. You Can
Leave at Any Time
Maybe it was the divorce that prompt this. But life
is too short to stay in an unhappy relationship. Life is supposed to be about
happiness, joy, and laughter. Not misery. There’s no magic spell for happiness but
the easiest way to stop being unhappy, is to cut the unhappiness out of your
life. There is no excuse, nothing is holding you back but yourself. If you
aren’t happy, then change it. It’s as simple as that.
3. Love
Yourself First
Watching my mum be by herself for so many years and
refusing to settle into a relationship for the sake of it, showed me the true
potential of an independent woman. She changed her career, got a degree, and
made a life for herself away from a relationship status. She rediscovered
herself outside of marriage and it was truly inspirational. It taught me that
you have to be comfortable and happy in your own skin, with your own life, and
then focus on your romantic pursuits. Because all else will fail if you aren’t
truly happy with yourself first.
4. Don’t
Forget Everyone Else
From the minute I turned 13, she drilled into my
head.
“Boys may come and go but friends will stay
forever.”
And it’s true. Many of time I’ve thought I’ve found
the one, only for it to end in disaster and have myself thank my lucky stars, I
still had my family and friends by my side. There’s no reason to ever lose
contact with anyone else in your life because you’ve found a relationship, some
loves of our lives can be temporary, and it’s not worth losing our family and
friends over them.
5. Never
Settle
If he doesn’t give you butterflies, if he doesn’t
treat you well, if he isn’t honest or kind, don’t settle. Don’t make yourself
excuses or bargain with yourself for the sake of a relationship. Never
settle for anything less than what you want and deserve. If you want
someone who calls you, kisses you goodnight, and likes to visit your family,
then don’t settle for someone who won’t do this. Go out there and find your
perfect package, because within reason it is possible and there’s no need to
settle for anything less.
6. Money
Doesn’t Matter
There’s a famous saying in our house, “I’d
rather share a can of baked beans with someone I love, than have a five course
dinner in Paris with someone I didn’t.” And it’s something I truly believe
in. Money isn’t everything in life. It’s the people who matter most, someone
can buy you the world but that will not buy you love and affection. It taught
me to be humble, to appreciate people, and not to be materialistic. Money
can’t buy happiness and it certainly can’t buy love.
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