Fear is a tough topic to cover as it motivates so
much of what we do on a day-to-day basis. Even when we’re not fully aware
of it, fear has its hooks in us and is dragging us down. Naturally we aren’t
talking about phobias or that adrenaline rush you get when you skid to a stop
right before rear-ending the car in front of you on the freeway.
Fear is
so much bigger than that. Fear drives almost all of our actions.
Why we do some things and why we avoid others, why we get close to some people
and push others away. In the process of life, fear is the single
biggest hindrance to goal achievement. It’s just such an important topic
to cover.
Without further adieu, here are some keys to
overcoming fear:
Know
that fear is just an emotion and it can be talked down.
Research has shown that the way we talk to ourselves can have a profound effect
on our motivation. If your self-talk is resoundingly negative, you’re
eventually going to believe what you have to say. So try and cut your
negative self-talk off at the knees and replace it with positive
self-talk. Instead of thinking to yourself, “I’m going to tank up on
stage”, reframe it as “I know I can do this – I know my stuff”.
Fear
dissipates with research, so learn about whatever you fear and practice,
practice, practice it. Fear is often times about
the lack of control over something. For example, people fear flying or
having even minor surgery because their control over the situation is taken
away from them. Well, fight for some of that control back! The best
way to do it is to know your stuff in and out and have rehearsed it 10,000
times before you have to do it for real. People who know how to fly
planes don’t fear flying in the same way non-pilots do.
Stop
projecting the worst of what could happen. Ask
yourself what’s the worst that could happen – and then be OK with that
outcome. For example, if you’re about to move across the country for a
new job and it’s keeping you up at night, do a little soul-searching to
brainstorm what’s the worst that could happen. If you can be content with
the worst possible outcome, what’s holding you back? Would you be lonely
for a few months? Could it cost you 5x more than you had expected?
Would you miss your family? Figure out the worst case scenario, do what
you need to do to be OK with that, and then move on.
Make
fear manageable; break it up into little chunks.
This is the same way you get anything done using any productivity
system. If you’re looking at something huge and overwhelming – like
“Write a best-selling book”, the best way to get a grip on your fear is to
break it down into discrete actions. I’d be scared to sit down to try and
write a best-selling book, but I wouldn’t be scared to “Write an outline of
chapter 1 covering the mating rituals of bears”.
Don’t
be afraid of criticism, blame, or embarrassment.
Usually the “fear of failure” isn’t about failure at all, it’s about the impending
impact to your ego. No one likes being criticized or feeling embarrassed
about something. You just have to be OK with looking like an idiot (see
#3) since 9 times out of 10 that’s all that’s holding you back! And the
chances of you looking like an idiot in the eyes of others are actually much
lower than you think they are.
The real key here isn’t so much to overcome your
fears (it just makes a good title) but rather to acknowledge them and work with
them. Fear will always be there, what you have to do is overwhelm
your fear with desire and work through it to the other side. Once
you’ve done that, the rewards are always greater than if you just gave up
without trying. As Randy Pausch said: “The
walls are there for you to show how badly you want it.”
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