Have you ever found yourself falling for a man you were
dating and wondered if he was feeling the same way? Did you find yourself
trying to prove what a great catch you are by being sweeter, funnier and
smarter in hopes that he would fall in love with you? Focusing on what a man
wants and ingratiating yourself in this way may feel like the natural thing to
do, but it’s the worst way to try to make a man feel romantic love for you.
Love isn’t a reasonable emotion – and being “nice” and
“understanding” and “a good sport” won’t get you where you want to go. Here are
some ways that will:
Love, and inspiring a man to fall in love
with you forever, is all about you being able to receive love.
Most of us only know how to give.
We give for lots of reasons – because we’re taught that’s the way to get to a
man’s heart (it isn’t) because we see other women do it, and because deep down,
it feels uncomfortable and scary to be vulnerable enough to really get love.
“A man is actually turned off when he gets more from you
than he gives.”
A man is actually turned off when he gets more from you
than he gives. When you shower him with affection, attention, dinners, gifts,
and always go out of your way to drive to his place, it makes him think of you
as a mother or a friend instead of inspiring his emotional desire for you.
Tip #2: Don’t give away exclusivity if he
hasn’t yet committed
We become totally, emotionally invested in a man when
we’re exclusive with him because he has all our time and attention. There’s no
way we can stop wondering about where the relationship is going. But the more
we think about it and talk about it, the more we push a man away.
When you can think of it in these terms, it’s
easier to keep your options open and keep your personal power in the
relationship. Rather than talking about the relationship or threatening him
with ultimatums, you can continue to keep your options open by dating
other men. This way, you keep your class, your power, your boundaries, and
he has to work to get you!
Tip#3: Don’t give him gifts, make him dinner
or pay for dates
Yes, this sounds unfair, and yet, who pays is often the
difference in his mind between friends hanging out together and a “date.”
If a man complains about paying for everything, let him
know you don’t care what you do, you feel great being with him, and you don’t
want to pay. Walking, hanging out in bookstores, having a picnic in a park can
all be fun, romantic ways to get close to a man.
(And forget about cooking dinner, or trying to make
dating “reciprocal.” A bowl of popcorn and something to drink is fine.)
When you give a man gifts, give him all your attention
and energy, and give MORE than you receive, you’re OVERFUNCTIONING.
Overfunctioning is doing more than your fair share and
stepping up to rescue a man because you know you can do a better job. It’s
arriving from your masculine energy. It feels aggressive and forward to a man.
And it’s totally unattractive to him.
By: Rori Raye
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