I was getting a manicure the first time I learned
that not all wives want to, ahem, go for a roll in the hay with their husbands.
I was 16 and had picked out orange nail polish (oh, sixteen). I had a book with
me but it wasn’t long before I found another source of entertainment.
In-between buffings and polishings, the two women next to me talked about how
much their husbands wanted IT and how little they wanted to give IT.
For a girl that had not even been asked out on a
date this was a whole new world. I had a suspicion that their experience was
more realistic than the articles I sneaky read in Cosmo while getting
my hair done at the salon.
(I am supposed to put my hand WHERE? while
simultaneously doing WHAT?) So I kept my eyes on my book, let the words blur
into lines and listened closely.
“Doesn’t he know how tired I am by the end of the
day? As if after the kids are finally asleep I have the energy to do anything
but sit down and watch some TV.”
“For me, it isn’t even the energy it takes. I am
still losing weight from the baby. I don’t feel sexy. I can hardly undress in
front of a mirror, let alone in front of him. I honestly think it is selfish
that he expects me to pretend to feel something that I don’t.”
“Selfish? That’s a good word. Maybe if he took care
of the kids when he got home or made dinner once in a while I would be more
interested. Hell, just pick up the milk on the way home from work. I am not
asking for much. Now that I think about it, I don’t think we have done it in
the last three weeks.”
“Yeah. It’s been at least two for us.”
Wait. These women were married...they lived with a
guy....who slept in their bed. They could have sex all the time! And they
didn’t want to? It made no sense. It was like turning down a zero calorie but
as delicious-as-creme-brulee dessert. (Or at least I assumed. At that point
everything I knew about romance was gleaned from Anne of Green Gables and Moulin
Rouge.)
How sad. How wasteful. How stupid. When I got
married, I would always want to have sex with my husband! And I would never be
too tired. My goodness, it was just ridiculous to want him to bring home a gallon
of milk just to prove he cared. Wasn’t it just like a woman to make a grocery
run a test of love. As the final coat of polish was applied to my nails, I
swore to never be like them. My life would be different. I would be better. I
would never feel too fat or too tired. Ever.
And then I grew up.
Intercourse, carnal knowledge, lovemaking, knocking
boots, coitus, SEX! is everything 16 year old me imagined plus a little whipped
cream on top. (Whipped cream, see what I did there?) And once Riley and I got
married there was lots and lots and lots of it. Then we had a baby and I really
was just so tired my bones hurt. And for a while I did feel fat. Even after I
lost the pregnancy weight everything just looked different. Like a cut flower
that has been left out in the sun, still lovely just a little...wilted. I
became a little distant. We started to fall asleep without talking or kissing.
Then one day while washing dishes, I realized that
we had gone eight days without touching each other. Eight days was a quite some
time for us. But the thing that bothered me the most was that I hadn’t missed
it. And I knew that was a problem. So that night after we put the baby to bed,
I gave Riley my best come hither glance. Yes, I was tired and felt about as
desirable as the “feed the birds” lady in Mary Poppins. But while drying
the dishes, it occurred to me that 16 year old Meg must have understood
something about sex that 20-something Meg had forgotten. And maybe, just maybe
it was worth remembering.
Without further ado here are five reasons you should
have sex with your husband every night:
1. Being a mother, one of the ultimate
expressions of womanhood, can often leave a girl feeling stripped of her
femininity. There is something about being covered in spit up and attending to
the every need of another human being that makes one feel distinctly gender
neutral. Most of my days are spent playing with dolls, wiping baby food off of
my clothes, changing diapers, wiping snot off of my clothes, going to the park,
and wiping what-the-heavens-is-that off of my clothes. There is something
restorative about kissing the boy you love. There are times in Riley’s arms
when I remember who I am before I even realize I have forgotten. Yes, I am a
cook, cleaner, teacher, and wiper of all things disgusting. But I am also
something more, something delightful and completely apart from my roles. I am a
woman! And there is potential and depth and heck, I am pretty darn good kisser,
too. It is a lovely thing, finding yourself through the touch of someone else.
2. If you want your husband to act like a man,
you need to treat him like a man. Hold the eye rolls. I am not pushing for a
return to the 1950′s. (Although, heaven knows an era in which low rise jeans
did not exist is basically alright by me.) Women need any number of criteria
met to feel loved. Men are far simpler. They need to be fed, they need to be
appreciated, and they need to have sex. That is it. Really. So make or order
dinner once in a while. Say thank you for the long hours spent at work with a
hug and smile when he walks through the door each night. (Better yet? Smile as
you hand him the kids and walk out the door for a long, much needed break.) And
my goodness, let the poor man see you naked. It is astounding what a good man
will do for a good woman that has made him feel loved. After a few weeks of
meals and make outs, you will sit back and wonder why you didn’t insist on
having sex every night sooner. Talk about a small investment and big returns.
3. You need to have a moment in each day that
is just about the two of you. Remember that boy? The one that made your heart
thump and hands sweat? The one that called when you hoped he would, that made
you run hot and high up to the stars until you thought you would never come
down? He is still there. Under the years and bills and worries, that smiling
boy is still in love with and needs his smiling girl. Every night after the
kids go to bed is a chance to find him again. A moment to remind yourself that
you are living a picket fenced adventure and my goodness, there is nothing the
two of you can’t do.
4. Sex relieves stress. I don’t know that this
one needs much explanation. As a mother I eat stress for breakfast. So it seems
to me I have a choice. I can let off steam by A) driving around at night and
bashing in strangers mailboxes or B) I can get down and dirty with that one guy
I married that one time. I choose option B. (So far the mailboxes in my
neighborhood have escaped unscathed, so Option B must be working.)
5. It is so much blasted fun. Seriously. Why
are we so quick to refuse the good things in life? We will slog through our
children’s Algebra homework, do Zumba in public and pluck the hair from our
body ONE PIECE AT A TIME. But tell a girl to have sex every night and she looks
at you like you are crazy, An orgasm? Every night? What do I look like? A
Nymphomaniacal Super Woman?
Where is the logic in that?
Are we really too busy doing dishes to participate
in an activity that is so good it has inspired genius (that saucy Shakespeare)
and changed history (Okay, Helen of Troy, we get it. You were super hot)? My
goodness, what a crazy way to live. Ladies, did it ever occur to you (to us!)
that we should have sex because WE DESERVE IT?
Yeah, you deserve it.
So, tonight put the kids to bed. Leave the dishes in
the sink and the floors unswept. They will wait. Take a moment to remember that
you are the girl you hoped you would be and then go find that boy and remind
him that he is the man you knew he could be.
Rinse. Repeat.
Article from: The Huffington post
I am praying to me the man i wanted to me and my wife should be the girl i see in her not a woman that will be tired to make me happy.
ReplyDeleteThanks sis.. Really love this.