Sometimes the hurt is very deep, such as when a
spouse or a parent betrays
our trust, or when we are victims of crime, or when we’ve been harshly
bullied. Anyone who has suffered a grievous hurt knows that when our inner
world is badly disrupted, it’s difficult to concentrate on anything other than
our turmoil or pain. When we hold on to hurt, we are emotionally and
cognitively hobbled, and our relationships suffer.
Forgiveness is
strong medicine for this. When life hits us hard, there is nothing
as effective as forgiveness for healing deep wounds. I would not have
spent the last 30 years of my life studying forgiveness if I were not convinced
of this.
Many people have misconceptions about what
forgiveness really means—and they may eschew it. Others may want to forgive,
but wonder whether or not they truly can. Forgiveness does not necessarily come
easily; but it is possible for many of us to achieve, if we have the right
tools and are willing to put in the effort.
Below is an outline of the basic steps involved in following
a path of forgiveness.