Human has the ability to think and that’s what makes
our world creative. But owing to such diversified thinking, sometimes it is
inevitable for us to come across with disagreement.
It can be great or small, such as colleagues
debating corporate strategy, family members discussing holiday destination, or
friends arguing what to eat for dinner. Sometimes you win an argument but
sometimes you don’t.
Why
we always fail to persuade?
It can be frustrating if our ideas are better but
they are not adopted just because we lack the skills to persuade. But many of
us make this mistake unknowingly–When we argue or discuss with others over an
issue, we tend to take the shortcut to prove them wrong logically and at the
same time we are right. This might work occasionally, for those who are
rational and less emotional. But apparently not everyone is rational, at least
not always.
Even if we have convincing arguments, proving others
wrong is kind of explicitly telling others to change their minds. This often
put them in an embarrassing situation because they have to admit that they are
wrong.
The
backfire effect: corrections always fail
It is compatible with the backfire effect suggested
by Brendan Nyhan and Jason Reifler at The University of Michigan and
Georgia State University. [1] One of their research was designed to
explore why people insist on their political misperceptions when others try to
correct them.
It shows that corrections actually
enhance misperceptions among the group in question. In other words,
corrections have no use. People who are being corrected in fact reject the
ideas from those who hold different beliefs.
Persuade
by showing the whole picture
Knowing that changing people’s minds is such a
difficult work, we might want to try something suggested by the authority.
Blaise Pascal, a 17th-century French philosopher, wrote the famous
classic Persuasion long before psychology was invented. His idea is
later proven by modern psychologists, Arthur Markman.Pascal suggested that the
surefire way to change others’ minds is to show them the whole
picture instead of proving them wrong as the two simple steps listed
below:
1.
1. Acknowledge
the validity of the other’s point of view
2 Lead
them to discover the other side of their argument
There should be something valuable in everyone’s
point of view. So first you should recognize their contributions and admit what
they are right about. Then, you should gradually reveal the other side to them,
which is the part they have not observed. The following scenario might help you
better understand the idea:
Imagine you are thinking what to eat for dinner
with your friends.A: I’d like some burgers. I’m starving.(But you want
something else.)You: Well… Burger might be good. What about pizza? It can
also make you feel full. Plus you might have more options in the Italian
restaurant.
After all, everyone has some blind spots and many
people realize that. They won’t be offended by such persuasion
approach because they feel like they only fail to see all sides instead of
mistaking. Also, people are generally better persuaded by reasons they discover
by themselves than by those implemented by others.
Give
suggestions instead of commands
Such approach also allows you to better hide your
intention to persuade. That’s why you should also pay attention to your tone
when speaking to them. You need to play the role of a guide instead of an
instructor. You should be guiding them instead of enforcing authority,
raising questions instead of making judgements. Others will feel better and
consider what you want them to think about if you sound more friendly and
suggestive.
A successful persuasion cannot be achieved only by
strong and valid points. To make people let their guard down, you also need
some techniques. So don’t let others bury your brilliant ideas. Be brave to
speak them up and be smart to showcase them.
BY: Sheba Leung
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